Would you agree that Terence O’Neill was a failure as a political leader? Argue your case.
This is a student submission corrected by an examiner, 51/100 with detailed feedback. It would be useful for anyone who is struggling with History essays as it given some clear pointers to increase your grade that apply to virtually all History essays. You may also like H1 History Notes for Leaving Cert (€).
On the whole, I am of the belief that Terence O’Neill, despite having a number of positive traits (what were his positive traits? Name them), was a failure as a political leader. Despite making attempts to improve relations with the Catholic community, he was also clearly a traditional unionist, who considered himself to be socially superior to catholics. (prove how he had this attitude-it’s a big statement about an individual) 3/12
(don’t use ‘I’ in a History essay. Prove your point with facts. You should include a quotation from your research about O’Neill in your introduction which tells us something about him as a political leader. You must outline here very briefly in one or two lines the points that you are going to make in each of your paragraphs in this essay. You could mention his aims at the start of his leadership and whether he had achieved them or not by the end of his leadership).
On becoming Prime Minister of Northern Ireland in 1963, O’Neill immediately set about improving the economic situation. He encouraged foreign businesses to locate in Northern Ireland, which created many new jobs. At the same time however, many jobs were lost in traditional industries such as textiles and shipbuilding. However, what set O’Neill clearly apart from his predecessors was his attempts to reach out to the Catholic community. One of the most significant of these attempts was the invitation of Sean Lemass, the Irish Taoiseach to the North. O’Neill admired the progress of the Southern economy and wanted to increase economic cooperation with the Republic. This however, divided his party and his supporters who were opposed to any form of contact with the Republic. (7/12)
(This is a good paragraph, well done! Perhaps mention more about the divisions this caused within his party)
Despite these positive traits, O’Neill was nevertheless still a traditional Unionist who was against giving the Nationalist community any form of real power in the Northern Irish state. Under his leadership, the one man, one vote system was not introduced and unfair housing allocation continued to be a problem, until he was pressured to set up a points system by Harold Wilson, the British Prime Minister. He and most of his colleagues were also members of the Orange Order, a hardline protestant and anti-catholic organization. One of his most significant failures as a leader though, was his failure to support the “University for Derry” campaign. (6/12) (a good paragraph, well done)
After the Lockwood Committee recommended that a new university be established in Coleraine, rather than Derry, both unionists and nationalists united in joint protest. In particular, nationalists were outraged as they saw the favouring of a largely Protestant town over the states’ second largest city with a Catholic majority as clear evidence of a biased system. However, instead of supporting the Protestants who were willing to work with the Catholic community to achieve a common objective, O’Neill instead followed the path recommended by unionist extremists who were completely against locating a university in an area with a Catholic majority. It was alleged by a unionist MP that “nameless, faceless men” from Derry met with O’Neill and advised him to ignore the university campaign and were also prepared to undermine it. (7/12-good work!)
This completely contradicted O’Neill’s promise upon taking up the office of Prime Minister to improve relations between the North’s two communities and bring them closer together. He further alienated the Catholic community when he refused to condemn the violence committed by members of the RUC on the “People’s Democracy” organisation, which had been set up to advocate for Catholic civil rights. (3/12) (Your conclusion should wrap up all the points that you have made throughout the essay, rather than introduce any new ideas.)
26/60
25/40
Total: 51/100
You simply don’t have enough paragraphs here to merit a higher grade. You must have a minimum of 8 paragraphs in a History essay to be in with a chance to get a high grade and you only have 5 here, it’s simply not enough. These eight paragraphs must include a strong introduction and conclusion. You have a couple of very good paragraphs in the middle of the essay here, which is great, but you need at least two more very strong paragraphs like those to bring your grade up more. In each paragraph try to refer back to the question and begin ever paragraph with a ‘success’ or ‘failure’ of O’Neill’s. Given that you are arguing that he was a failure as a politician, I would advise that your essay should be structured as follows:
Introduction: include a quote about O’Neill (as you are arguing that he failed try to include one on that. Outline your main points as to why he failed.
Body paragraphs of essay should be 6 paragraphs. I would advise that four of these six paragraphs are focused on failures of O’Neill’s and perhaps 2 on successes.
Conclusion: a strong recap is required on the points that you have made in the body paragraphs. You could also echo back to your introduction. Do not include any new information or arguments in the concluding paragraph.
You mostly need to focus on the structure of this essay as this gets you marks! Three more paragraphs will increase this grade considerably! Keep the faith!