#625Lab. Corrected by an experienced examiner, graded as 82/100 with feedback on how to improve below. You may also like: Leaving Cert English Complete Guide (€).
Good afternoon adjudicators, fellow speakers, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Eva and I am here today with the St. Augustine’s debate team. We are passionately in favour of the motion: “language is a great weapon”. I am going to address this statement using 4 key points in (L) hope that after you leave this auditorium today, you will feel empowered in the knowledge that you hold the world’s deadliest weapon (L) language.
You might all be thinking: what qualifications does this 17 year old girl have, to be standing before us today, speaking about such a profound topic? Well(L) the truth of the matter is that this is not a new motion. In fact (L) we have all been exposed to the concept that language is a powerful weapon since a very young age. There is a reason why my 1st (L) class teacher, Mrs Murphy, held a “feelings circle” once a week, in which (L) we had to voice our feelings if anyone in the class was making us or another classmate unhappy. She was trying to plant a seed in our young developing mind to voice our opinions and explain our reasoning’s to others, even if it was about something as trivial as who got to be “The Reader of the Week”. I believe all of you here today have had a Mrs Murphy in your life, and that is why you are spending your Saturday sat in front of me. We are the ones who can change the world and open society’s eyes to the power of language. Our words have got force behind them and it is vital that we believe in them. Instead of using our fists (L) we can use our words to deflect pain, to protect ourselves from the horrors of the world. (Point about Ms Murphy not quite hammered home. Slight jump at the end of the paragraph.)
The opposition argues that the use of violence gives an immediate result and I can see their point of view. Yes, without a doubt, physical violence can deliver fast, possibly effective results but at what cost? In today’s world(L) that is filled with war and bribery, neighbour turning on neighbour, don’t you think we should be striving for a long-term solution? Various world leaders today believe that by shooting a nuclear missile into an enemies (M) territory they are reaching a solution for their people, when in actual fact they are only adding more grief and pain into this fear-stricken world. Physical violence creates friction. Imagine a world where civil disputes where absolved as both parties meet, discuss and reach a mutually beneficial agreement? Nobody is physically harmed; the money that is being pumped into national armies can be used to actually benefit society. Leaders today are focusing their energy on the wrong thing. I know they are trying to do what is best for us, but what we need is better (L)standard of life. A life that is not consumed by violence. But no, the old-fashioned method that was used by our ancestors years ago is still being employed today. By declaring war on a neighbouring country all we are doing is adding fuel to the fire that will burn us in the end. If we do not do something soon, and use our education for good instead of evil, the world, however bad it may seem in 2019, I can guarantee will be 10 (L) times worse for our future grandchildren. Is that what you want for them? To fear flying on a plane to another country, afraid they will be shot down from the sky, afraid to go to a large public place as they have seen the god-awful attacks on television ,all because the leaders they trust to protect them have not yet learnt(L) the power of language. (Good point. Well argued, an illustration perhaps to further strengthen it?)
The body is an amazing thing. We have adrenaline pumping through our veins to prepare us for “fight or flight”, a sturdy skeleton to keep us upright, even our eyes automatically blink to protect us from dirt in the air. Yes. The body is an amazing thing. Imagine it was your birthday and you received the most wonderful present that would be used every day, is multifunctional and can save you a lot of grief in the world. You’d be very grateful wouldn’t you? Now ladies and gentlemen, we have all received this gift, the most incredible gift our body gives us is our brain. We have the ability to formulate sentences, put our emotions into words, resolve conflicts, tell our family we love them and discuss and debate all of life’s biggest issues. I dare anybody here today to argue that we are not the luckiest people in the world to possess the gift of language. (Not sure on phrasing, luckiest in the world?) We are doing this gift justice by attending this function today and we should all be very proud of this. However(L) it is vital that we now teach others how to use this gift properly, to use it as a weapon to protect themselves from all that life throws at them. I know this is a big task for us all, but I truly believe we can do this. We will do this. (I can see the point being made, needs a clearer introduction. Jumps into it. Effects the flow.)
The meaning of the word “weapon” may be misconstrued from time to time. Some people believe a weapon to be something that leaves a physical mark on the body of their opposition, something that leaves clear evidence of their power on their enemy, something that carries a negative connotation of punishment and repression. However (L)we all know a “weapon” to be something much more than that. The official definition of a “weapon” is: a means of gaining an advantage or defending oneself in a conflict or contest. We can and should use our language as a weapon because life in 2019 is full of “conflicts”. We can use language through many universal mediums to “defend” ourselves, we can improve global communications, and we can put an end to all violence simply by using our words. We have all been subconsciously subjected to the power of language through various mediums. Think of the great work of poets like W.B Yeats, the spoken masterpieces of Martin Luther King Jr, magnificent literature of Shakespeare and Margaret Atwood. When we think about it, none of the people had to sink to the defamatory level of violence to illustrate their opinions, so why should we? It is up to us to revive the era of influential people such as Yeats and Martin Luther King Jr. and do our part to awaken society to the strength our words carry. We are the generation of social media; we are the generation of advertising, marketing and everything in between. It is our responsibility to use our language effectively and to evoke a new era for the better of all human kind.(Examples an illustrations needed to show this power.)
Lastly, I would like to discuss with you all the advantages that come with being bilingual. (Link to previous section, helps the speech to flow.) I understand some of us may struggle with foreign languages, and that’s okay! I too find it difficult to muster up the courage to speak in a language that is not my mother tongue. That being said we should not use this fear as an excuse; we should open ourselves up to another language and allow ourselves to be enveloped by their culture. It is only then, when we use a language that is foreign to us that we can fully understand and appreciate the beauty of differing cultures. Whether we like it or not, we are one united world and I think it would be awfully foolish of us to ignore the impeccable opportunities and facilities made available to us in this day and age. It is through the process of comprehending the language and cultures of others that we can truly find inner peace and respect with one another. Imagine, all these benefits can be reached simply through the power of language! A French philosopher named Blaise Pascale once said “l’homme qui parle deux langues vaut deux hommes” which roughly translates to “ a man who speaks two languages it worth two men”. This bold statement perfectly captures my aim today. By using our language(L) we are broadening our horizons, we are enriching the power we hold inside ourselves, and we are finely tuning the weapon that can help defend ourselves in the harshest of conflicts. We must open our minds to the fruits of language in order to improve our beloved society and save it from our own toxic human race, before it is too late.
Ladies and gentlemen, before I finish today let me quickly restate these main points. If we do not swap out violence with the weapon of language, the world will continue in its downward spiral with a horrifying end result of self-destruction. Without language our grandchildren will live in a life of crippling fear, and will not get to enjoy the fruits of life like we have. Without language it is truly impossible to fully understand and respect different cultures which ultimately lead to friction between countries. If we employ our use of language appropriately and effectively, it can be a great weapon that can be used to solve all of these problems. In this world we have great challenges and great opportunities to help protect ourselves and with your help and support, we will meet them and make this next year the best year in our history! Thank you for listening to my team and I today.
Reads like a speech, lots of elements of style. Content needs development and examples. The content is what makes the argument stand up, you have good points but there needs to be examples to make it engaging and more varied. Stronger conclusion, pithier. These will support your points and add to the piece. Most (L) are for lack of commas. The text is a little bit too long.
30-P- 25
30-C-23
30-L-24
10-M-10
82/100
